Crazy, Stupid, Love
by Kashi-Got-Swagz
Summary: Crazy, Stupid, Love the movie, but all characters have been changed into Naruto characters. AU Even if you have not seen the movie, you can still read and have a good laugh! Gai, Kurenai, Asuma, Kakashi, Sakura, Tenten, and many more.
1. You what?

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, OR CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE.**

**All rights go to Masashi Kishimoto, and Dan Fogelman.**

* * *

**You...what?**

Gai sighed. "You were right, I shouldn't have eaten all that bread. You wanna split a desert?"

Kurenai, his wife of twenty-five years, said nothing. She didn't even look up from her menu.

"You okay? ...You seem a little off," Gai pointed out.

"Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out what I want..." Kurenai mumbled.

"Yeah, me too," he also mumbled into the palm of his hand. "Well, let's just say it at the same time."

Kurenai fidgeted in her seat.

"1..2.." Gai counted. "3!"

Gai opened his mouth to speak, but Kurenai spoke before him.

"I want a divorce!" She said louder than she wanted to.

Gai stood frozen. He tried to speak, however no words would come out. Kurenai searched his face for any sign of emotion.

* * *

Emi ran through the house shrieking and giggling. Hinata was chasing after her and finally pinned her to a chair, and immediately commenced the tickling torture to the five-year old.

Emi flailed her arms about in laughter, until she bumped a picture off the credenza.

Emi gasped. "Uh-oh!"

Hinata was out of breath still from trying to put Emi to bed. "D-don't worry about it, it's my fault. Come on, let's get you to bed before your parents get home."

Emi put on the face.

Hinata smirked. "No. No puppy dog eyes." Hinata pointed to her bedroom. "Go on."

Emi sighed and trudged off to her bedroom. Hinata stared at the now broken picture that had fallen. It was Gai and Kurenai together. Happy.

Hinata put her hand over Kurenai, so only Gai was visible. She smiled at the man's face.

* * *

The car ride was absolutely quiet. You could hear a pin drop. Gai was in the passenger seat; for he was far too numb to drive.

Kurenai looked at him briefly before looking back on the road from time to time. "Well...aren't you gonna say anything?"

Silence.

She spoke again. "Almost twenty-five years of marriage, and you have nothing to say...?"

He did have something to say, but he was in shock at how she could throw away twenty-five years of marriage.

* * *

Hinata climbed up the stairs to the older boy Lee's room. "Lee, have you seen Emi's homework," she asked while opening the door without knocking.

"GET OUT!" Lee shouted.

Hinata's eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open. "Oh my god..."

"Shut the door!" Lee continued.

Without hesitation, Hinata quickly shut the door. "L-Lee, I'm really sorry. I swear I didn't see anything."

She freaked out silently and ran back downstairs.

Lee laid in his bed staring at the ceiling. He mouthed the words 'oh my god' and threw the pillow over his face in embarrassment.

* * *

"Okay, you're not talking which you know only makes me talk more, b-but maybe that's good because then I can tell you that I slept with someone," Kurenai said wincing slightly.

Gai made a face that looked like he was just punched in the stomach for the tenth time. However, still no words.

"Asuma Sarutobi. You know, that one guy from work. You met him at the Christmas party," Kurenai started to explain.

Gai's eyes were starting to water. "Please stop."

Oh she was just getting started. "The last person in the world that I would wanna hurt is you Gai."

Gai shook his head. "Stop. Just stop."

She kept rambling on about how sorry she was, and blah blah.

He unbuckled his seat belt. "Okay," he said falling out of the car.

"Oh my god, Gai!" Kurenai slammed on her brakes, and jumped out of the car running to him. "Are you okay!?"

"I'll leave tonight. J-just please stop talking about it," Gai begged.

"...Okay." She tried to help him up, but he refused. He did not want her to touch him. Who knows where those cheater hands have been.

This was truly traumatizing. He was lucky enough to have Kurenai, because well...he wasn't a very attractive man, and he had been told so countless times.

His self-esteem was low enough, but this, this just sealed his fate.

* * *

**Authors Note:** Well this is quite the task I am taking on here. I **LOVE** this movie and it had Naruto potential written _allll_ over it.

This is a** long** movie and so there will be **MANY** chapters! Muahaha! I **WILL** write more per chapter but I wanted to put this one out there quickly.

If you haven't seen this movie yet, than shame on you. Jk, but seriously, you should watch it! It came out it 2011, so it is pretty recent.

**R & R!** Hope you like!


	2. Rejection

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, OR CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE.**

**All rights go to Masashi Kishimoto, and Dan Fogelman.**

* * *

**Rejection**

Lee appeared around the corner, and watched as Hinata was putting some crayons back into their case. He stood there, leaning against the wall of the hallway, with his hands in his pockets looking down.

"I-I'm sorry you had to see that..." He mumbled.

She didn't turn around, but continued on with what she was doing. "Nah, you know, I should have knocked," she shook her head.

He looked at the ceiling and sighed. "Just for the record, I think about you while I do it."

She stood straight up. "Lee!"

He continued on. "I have a picture of you, and I look at it the _whole_ time."

"Stop it," she begged with a disgusted look on her face.

He moved towards her. "I...I love you Hinata."

"I am actually begging you to stop it," she said while turning around to finish picking up the toys on the floor that Emi had strewn around the room earlier.

"I know that you're 17, and I just turned 13, which is the same age as your little brother, but soon our age difference won't even matter. Which is good, because I'm pretty sure you're my soul mate"

He was standing across the couch from her now.

"Okay, um...listen Lee I-"

"We're home!" Kurenai said loudly, but not loud enough to wake Emi.

Hinata speedily ran over to them. "Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Yuhi! How was- oh my god, w-what happened?"

Gai sighed. "Mrs. Yuhi said she wanted a divorce, and I jumped out of the car."

"Gai," Kurenai groaned.

Totally ignoring her, Gai asked Hinata, "Kids good? Everybody good?"

"...Dad?" Lee said hesitantly.

"Oh, hey, buddy. I didn't see you standing there..."

"You and mom are getting a divorce." It was more of a statement then a question.

Kurenai tried to change the subject hastily. "Uh, so Hinata, did Emi get through dinner okay?"

"Y-yes, Mrs. Yuhi," Hinata said unsure. She was still concerned with all that had just occurred.

"You jumped out of a moving car?" Lee asked his dad.

Gai nodded. "Yep. Yes, I did. I jumped out of a moving car."

"Did she fight you on the broccoli? Cause she always fights me on the broccoli," Kurenai asked.

Hinata shook her head. "No, she was just fine."

"Great. Um, Lee let's get you to bed." Kurenai pushed Lee along to his bedroom.

"I'll take you home, Hinata," Guy told her as he grabbed his keys.

* * *

"I don't care. I love him. I really do, and if given the opportunity..." Sakura thought a moment. "Yes, I would have his babies."

"Seriously?" Tenten said disgusted. "Conan O'Brien. You would do, Conan O'Brien...?"

"Oh my god, yes!" Sakura exclaimed.

Tenten leaned back in her chair. "Ew. Friend to friend. Ew."

Sakura ran her tongue over her lips purposely with a smirk on her face. Tenten dismissed it.

"I don't know. Your life is so...PG-13," Tenten stated while sipping her Shirley Temple.

Sakura put on a 'that offended me face.' "My life is _not_ PG-13!"

"Yes it is."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is. You've never left LA. You passed the bar for patent lawyer, probably get married to that human Valium, Genma. I just...listen, I worry about you, that's all."

A man slowly started to walk over to their side of the club while buttoning a button on his swayed jacket.

Tenten was talking again. "So much potential, and your fantasizing about, "Conan Ginger Junco O'Brien."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "He's funny!"

"He looks like a carrot for goodness sake!"

"Who looks like a carrot?"

They both spun their head in the direction of that smooth, deep, sexy voice. What they saw was this slim, young man with slight stubble on his face. Jelled hair, and he was wearing a dark purple suit.

"Hi. My name's Kakashi Hatake," he said cooly. "Who looks like a carrot?"

"C-C-Conan O'B-Brian," Tenten's eyes were roaming all over him. She then looked at Sakura." M-My friend, Sakura here, thinks he's sexy."

He chuckled. "That's funny, because I think your friend, Sakura is really sexy."

Sakura's eyes went wide. "Oh my god. You did_ not_ just say that? How old are you!?"

Kakashi narrowed his eyes playfully at her. "What are you, a lawyer?"

She winced and smiled. "Yeah, kinda."

"You are?" He looked at Tenten whose eyes still sparkled at him. "Is she?" He asked just in case Sakura was deceiving him.

Tenten smiled up at him, and then at Sakura. "Gonna be."

"Don't you think you're a little old to be using cheesy pick-up lines?" Sakura asked him trying to sound rude so he would go away.

"Objection," he said. "Leading the witness."

Tenten laughed, and Sakura couldn't help but smile.

"Wow, Sakura. You're really wearin' that dress. I think you're doin' it a favor," he said trying to woo her.

Sakura threw her head back in laughter. "Oh, God!"

He smiled at her reaction. "That's a line." He gestured behind him." I've been sitting over there for the past two hours, not being able to take my eyes off of you, is a fact. I mean, there's lots of beautiful women in this bar, your friend included." He looked at Tenten once more. "Hi."

"I love you," Tenten mumbled.

He looked back at Sakura. "But I can't take my eyes off of you. That's a fact, it's not a line. I find you very attractive. Do you find me attractive?" He smirked.

Tenten spoke for her. "She does."

"I don't," Sakura assured him.

"You do." He turned to Tenten. "She does."

"Yes, she does." Tenten nodded furiously.

"I don't!"

"You do," he said smiling, creasing his eyes.

"You do." Tenten said again.

"I dooon't!"

"Sakura, can I buy you a drink?" He finally asked.

"No," she said it with a pleasant look on her face.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "You say no a lot, don't you?"

"...No."

"Oh, boy." He grabbed a chair and sat at their table that was meant for two. "Permission to approach the bench?"

"Seriously?" Sakura couldn't believe how persistent this guy was!

"Just, come on. Let me...let me deliver my closing argument." She was a tough cookie, but soon he would be chewing it.

She thought a moment. "Sure, proceed."

"Sakura, we live in a physical world, right?" He said relieved.

"Uh huh."

"And you're going to age, right?"

She wasn't sure where he was going with this. "Mmhmm."

"I guarantee you this, you're never gonna regret going home with that guy from the bar that one time, that was a total Tom Cat in the sack. But I can't guarantee that you won't not regret it."

She lifted an eyebrow. "That was a double negative."

"You're a double negative," he said smartly.

He asked again. "Okay. Sakura, can I buy you a drink?"

"Okay, it's...you know what? It's time to go home," Sakura said grabbing her coat and purse.

"Really?"

"Mmhmm."

"Wow, that's forward of you. But okay," he said knowing that wasn't what she mean't originally.

She glared at him. "Yeah."

Kakashi turned in his chair. "I'll do it."

"You coming, Tenten?"

"Yeah, yeah," Tenten winked at him and got up.

"Bye," she said as she waved behind her to him.

He had never been rejected before...hmm.

* * *

**Authors Note: **Oooh! Rejection! Lol, poor Hinata.

Appreciate your comments!


	3. Cuckhold

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, OR CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE.**

**All rights go to Masashi Kishimoto, and Dan Fogelman.**

* * *

**Cuckhold**

As Gai and Hinata left the house, the awkward silence continued to flow through the air. He hurriedly walked over to the passenger side door, and opened it for her. She thanked him, and he walked around to the driver's side. She watched as if it were in slow motion.

There he was looking completely heartbroken. Like someone had just broken his prized possession. She could see tears starting to form a puddle atop his bottom eyelashes. He tried to rid them before getting in the vehicle.

Her house was a mere 10 minutes away, but it felt like 10 hours. Halfway there, Hinata felt the need to say something, but it didn't come out the way she wanted it to.

"You're the nicest dad that I babysit...of all the um...you're really nice."

"...That's very nice," Gai managed to choke out.

Hinata tucked a hair behind her ear. "And um...I like Mrs. Yuhi, I like her a lot, okay? But if she wants to divorce you, then I think she's batshit crazy."

Gai just let out a chuckle.

"I'm sorry."

"Okay. I-it's okay." Gai still looked straight ahead on the road. Hinata continued to fiddle with her hair, blouse, anything to avoid eye contact.

"I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable." She swallowed. Hard. "I've developed like a little crush..."

He turned to face her. "Would you do me a favor? Would you not mention to your parents that Mrs. Yuhi and I are...you know? It's something we want to tell them on our own, okay?" Gai said as he stopped the car in front of her house.

"Yeah," was all she said; face as red as a raspberry.

"Thank you. I appreciate that." He then drove away.

She looked longingly after the car. He mustn't have heard her. She mumbled a lot of the time, so she assumed that's why he hadn't made any notion to acknowledge her statement.

* * *

"Hey, guess what?" Gai asked a woman sitting next to him at the bar. She was talking to someone else.

She turned around slowly. Unsure if he was directing the question to her. "What?"

He leaned in and slurred obnoxiously. "My wiiife...is having intercourse, wittth someone who is not meee."

"I'm...I'm sorry to hear that." she said halfheartedly.

He looks down at the counter and taps it. "Oh, thank you. That is very nice of you to say. Very very nice. She just told me, I just found out. So I'm a little raw. It's...it's..."

Gai looks up and sees the woman at the bar isn't listening to him, but is turned back around talking to her friend once more.

"Okay. Well, you're not listening. You wouldn't ignore me if I were Asuma Sarutobi. My wife doesn't ignore Asuma Sarutobi, she screws him. She screws him," he said bitterly while twirling the straw in his drink.

* * *

"Who told you that Kurenai and I are getting divorced?" Gai asked his boss, Minato.

"You're getting a divorce?" Minato asked shocked.

Gai looked away. "Yeah."

Minato let out a deep sigh. "Tsunade, heard you crying in the bathroom. We all thought it was cancer."

"Oh...no."

"Thank God, man!" Minato exclaimed laughing.

"Yeah! Just my relationship..."

Minato laughs harder and Gai laughs with him.

Minato was gasping for air. "Thank, God! Divorce!"

"I'm so lucky."

"You are."

Gai sat up from his office chair. "I have to go pick up out furniture now."

"Okay! You go for it!" Minato said as Gai passed by him and exited his office.

"It could have been cancer, buddy!" Minato yelled after him.

Then he turned to the call center. "Hey everyone, it's just a divorce!"

Everyone in the office clapped their hands as Gai walked outside.

Gai raised his hands in the air. "Thanks! Feels good," he said sarcastically.

* * *

After leaving work, Gai had gathered all of his furniture at the old house and loaded it into the U-HAUL. Just then Kurenai jogged into the driveway. She had just finished her daily 2 mile jog.

As she slows to a stop she realizes what he was doing. "Shit..." She pinches the bridge of her nose. "I think I'm having a midlife crisis, maybe. Can women have midlife crisis? In the movies it's always men having them and buying ridiculous yellow Porsche's, but you know I'm not a man..."

Gai ignores her and walks ahead looking at the garden. "Fertilize, you gotta be sure to fertilize all this."

"We got married so young, Gai. You know, I'm forty-four. I'm so much older than I thought I'd be."

"There's a...a turn off valve for the sprinkler, it's over there," he said pointing to it.

"You know, last week, you know when I told you that I had to work late. I really went to see the new Twilight movie by myself. I don't know why I did that, and it was so bad, Gai."

"If it keeps raining like this, you might wanna turn off the automatic setting," he continued as he walked to the truck.

She followed him. "We haven't been us, not for a long time. And I...I don't know when you and I stopped being us. I mean, do you?

Gai opened the truck door. "Maybe it's when you screwed Asuma Sarutobi..." He shuts the door and backs out of the driveway. Kuenai walks along side it, but then stops as it starts to rain lightly.

* * *

"You know a word that is not used very often anymore? Cuckold. I'm cuckolded. Asuma Sarutobi, cuckolded me. He made a cuckold out of me. He slept with my wife and I didn't know about it! And that is the definition of cuckoldom. Asuma Sarutobi took my wife and slept with her. Uuch! Thought I did everything right. Got married, had kids, the house. What do I get for it? I get cuckolded? Asuma Sarutobi cuckolded me, he made a cuckold out of me," Gai rambled on and on and on at the bar's counter.

Kakashi, who's sitting at a table with a woman, had listened to Gai rant for a while now. He whistled at him and motioned for Gai to come over.

Gai looked behind him to see if the man had meant it for someone else. Kakashi motioned again. Gai, who was a little buzzed, chuckled and slid off his chair and made his way to Kakashi.

"When Gai reached him, Kakashi turned to the woman. "Hey, can you give me a couple of minutes with this guy?"

She nodded, grabbed her purse and left.

"Hello," Kakashi said cooly. "Kakashi Hatake." He held out his hand for Gai to shake.

"Gai Yuhi." He shook Kakashi's hand.

"Hey, Gai. Sit down, I'd like to buy you a drink."

"Okay." Gai plopped down in the open chair across from Kakashi.

"Guess what? My wife is having an affair with Asuma Saru..."

"Asuma Sarutobi. Asuma Sarutobi, I know. How do I know that?" Kakashi tilted his head to the side.

Gai sipped his drink looking confused. "I don't know."

"I'm a total stranger. How would I know something so intimate about your wife?"

Gai chuckled. "Asuma Sarutobi screwing your wife too?"

"No. Do you wanna know why I know that, Gai?" Kakashi said looking dead serious.

"Okay..." Gai looked around.

"Cause it's all that I've heard, Gai, for the past two nights. It's all anybody's heard. You're going around, and you're like...you're badgering people with this sad, sack, loser, sob story and I don't understand why."

"You know, I don't need this crap." Gai stood up.

"No, sit down," Kakashi said raising his hand.

"Alright," Gai plopped down again.

"Look, I know that sounds harsh. But it's true, and you need to hear the truth. Okay?"

Gai takes a sip of his drink through the straw in his glass. "Okay."

Kakashi shook his head. "Gai, would you take that straw out of your mouth? Please. Just for this conversation. Do you know what that looks like? It looks like you're sucking on a tiny schvantz, is that what you want?

Gai was taken aback. "What?"

"Is that the message you wanna sent to everybody?" Kakashi asked.

Gai laughed nervously. "No one's thinking that."

"Really? So, permission to speak candidly, sir."

"I think you've already gone there."

With that, Kakashi began to explain. "You're sitting there with a Supercuts hair cut, you're getting drunk on watered Vodka Cranberries like a fourteen year old girl, and you're wearing a forty-four when you should be wearing a forty-two regular." He sighed. "Honestly, I don't know if I should help you or I should euthanize you," he stated matter-of-factly. "Gai, you got a kind face. You got a good head of hair, you seem like a nice guy. I wanna help you. I'm gonna help you rediscover your manhood. Do you have any idea, like where you lost it?"

Gai thought a moment. "Strong case could be from nineteen eighty four."

"Well, we're gonna find it. We are. I promise you. And I promise you this too, Gai. When we're done, this wife of yours, she's gonna rue the day she ever decided to give up on you. That's my offer. You in or you out?" Kakashi leaned back in his seat.

"Why are you doing this?"

Kakashi shrugged and looked away. "Maybe you remind me of someone. You in or are you out?"

"I'm in."

* * *

**Authors Note: **Haha xD. I love writing this!** FYI:** Cuckhold means, a man with an adulterous wife. Also, schvatz...well I think you know what that means haha! In case you do not, **Schvatz** is a Jewish word for the man's private part.

Moving on, hope you liked! See, I told you the chaps will get longer ;) **R&R **Annnd don't forget to follow me on **Instagram: kashigotswag**


	4. Sexy & Cute

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, OR CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE.**

**All rights go to Masashi Kishimoto, and Dan Fogelman.**

* * *

**Sexy & Cute**

"Dad, can I tell you something? Love sucks!" Lee said.

Gai laughed. "Yeah. You in love, buddy?"

"Well, if you must know..."

"Ding Dong!" Hinata exclaimed standing in the open doorway of Gai's new apartment.

Gai turned. "Oh, hey, Hinata, thanks for coming by."

Hinata smiled shyly. "Hey! Yeah."

Lee's eyes widened. "What is she doing here?"

"You're mom wants you to stay here while she's out hooking."

"What?"

"What?" Gai turned to leave.

"Wait, we don't need a babysitter! She's only four years older than me. You need to know that!" Lee pointed at Hinata. "She needs to know that!"

"I know! I know!" Gai ruffled his hair. "Man, are you growing up." He turned to Hinata. "Look at him. He's unbelievable, he's in love already."

Hinata pretended to be surprised. "Oh."

Lee's mouth was open and he dropped his head on the counter with a heavy sigh.

* * *

"Listen." Genma said to Tenten who was sitting next to Sakura at the Ramen Noodle Bar. "When my girl here passes. I'm gonna have another little celebration right here and I hope you can make it, because it's gonna be a special night.

Tenten smiled. "Okay."

Genma pecked Sakura's lips, sat back down, and commenced talking to some other colleagues of theirs.

Sakura turned to Tenten. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Tenten asked.

"Special night."

"Yeah..."

"You think he's gonna propose?"

"At the Ramen Noodle Bar? God, I hope not! Why? Do you want him to?" Tenten asked.

Sakura smiled slightly. "Well, he's nice."

"He's nice?! Sakura!?"

"He's a sweetheart. Look at him." Sakura nodded in the direction of Genma. He was showing one of his friends some game on his new iPad.

Tenten glared at her. "Sakura, look at you." Tenten poked her in the arm. "Look at you! If you end up with that, what am I gonna end up with?"

"Shut up!" Sakura exclaimed half jokingly.

Tenten shook her head. "It's just depressing!"

"Oh, come on!"

"Alright, you know what? I have to...I have to not big sister you. It's fine. It's..."

Tenten looked at Genma again who was snorting up a storm. "Jesus, really!? No! No! Not my life. Not my life. I'm going." Tenten grabbed her purse and stood. They hugged, and Tenten left.

* * *

Gai rode the escalator up to the second floor of the mall. He was wearing a yellow striped polo shirt, and light blue whitewashed pants. His hair was slicked to the side, and he was looking for Kakashi. This was where he said to meet him.

After about 10 minutes he was about to give up and just go home but then something shiny kept hitting his face. He looked in the direction of the blinding object and there was Kakashi about 100 feet away from him. He was leaning against the balcony eating a piece of pizza as casually as anyone can.

His hair was gelled and he was dressed in a white and blue striped button up shirt that was unbuttoned two buttons, and tucked into his slacks. Over the shirt was a jacket which had a corsage in the front pocket and it matched the pants nicely. He accessorized with a brown belt and watch.

Gai walked over to him. Kakashi felt the presence of someone walking towards him so he looked and saw it was Gai. Kakashi looked confusingly at him through his stunner shades, and once Gai stopped in front of him he said, "Let me ask you a question, Gai. How much money have you got today for clothes?"

"Um."

Kakashi looked down at Gai's shoes. "What happened to your feet?"

"What do you mean?" Gai also looked down at his feet. "These are my four-o-sevens."

"Oh, the four-o-sevens. Can I see them?"

"Yep." Gai took off his sneakers. "These offer a lot of support."

Kakashi looked at them a moment. "..Right." He chucked them off the balcony of the second story. Some people screamed below.

Gai immediately looked over the balcony. "Woah!"

"What are you, in a fraternity?"

"Are you insane?"

"Are you in a fraternity?" Kakashi repeated.

Gai ignored his question. "You could have hit somebody! What was that?"

Kakashi was straight faced. "Are you? I'm asking you a question. Are you in a fraternity?"

"No!"

"Are you Steve Jobs?"

"What?"

"Hold on a second!" Kakashi paused. "Are you the billionaire owner of Apple computers?"

"No!"

"Oh, okay. Well, in that case you have no right to wear New Balance sneakers, ever!" Kakashi slapped two hands on either side of Gai's face. "Come on."

* * *

Kakashi took Gai to a hair salon in the mall called Hair Gone Wild.

Kakashi examined Gai's head carefully. "You see the problem is, your head is like...like the proportions of a Styrofoam peanut."

They left Hair Gone Wild after getting Gai's hair cut and went to Tuxedo Den.

"The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack," Kakashi said tossing a few shirts back on top of the rack.

Gai looked for the nearest mirror. "It does," he said feeling his face.

* * *

Gai sighed. "I think I'm set for jeans."

"No, you're not set for jeans, Gai," Kakashi said looking at the ones Gai was wearing currently.

Gai was trying to take a stand. "These are fine."

"You have a mom butt. Is that what you want?"

Gai sighed again. "Why don't we just go to The Gap? You know what? They have a s-" Gai looked up and noticed that Kakashi had left the store. "Okay." He ran out of the store and caught up to Kakashi. "What are you doing?"

Kakashi grabbed Gai's face with both of his hands. "Gai, you're better than The Gap. You're better than The Gap. Say it."

"...I'm better than The Gap?"

Kakashi smiled and slapped Gai in the face again. "Come on."

Gai rubbed his face. "God! Stop slapping me. Really."

* * *

Gai walked out of the dressing room with his new suit and haircut. "I feel kinda stupid, but..."

"Wow! Look at you!" Exclaimed Tiffany the dressing room clerk.

"I feel like I'm going skiing."

Kakashi turned to Tiffany. "Would you sleep with him?"

Gai couldnt believe Kakashi had just asked her that. "Jesus!"

Tiffany pondered a moment. "Hmm. Yeah, probably."

"Wha...? You would?" Gai was shocked. He started laughing nervously. "W-what are you even saying?"

"You see what just happened, Gai? Soon as you opened your mouth, Tiffany started doubting whether she wanted to sleep with you or not."

"...That's probably the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"No. This is." Kakashi walked up to him. "Your wife cheated on you because you lost sight of who you are as a man, as a husband and probably as a lover."

"You're right, that's meaner."

* * *

"So, let's talk about how many women you've been with," Kakashi said sipping his drink at the bar.

"Sexually?" Gai asked.

"Yeah. No, I mean break dance fighting!"

"One..."

Kakashi chuckled. "No, not at one time. How many in total?"

Gai gave Kakashi a look.

"Don't say it! Don't say it!" Kakashi shook his head.

"We met in high school, okay?" Gai said defensively.

"Oh, boy. You're kidding me? One woman?" Kakashi clicked his shot glass on the counter a few times. "That's great."

"Kurenai is beautiful."

"I guess."

"She was gorgeous. She was one of those women that could be wildly sexy and unbelievably cute all at the same time."

"Oh, man..."

"There was a little blip in the senior year, but-"

Kakashi rubbed his face tiredly. "I've literally stopped listening to Kurenai. I think we should start approaching women tonight. Are you ready to go?"

Gai lowered his head onto his crossed arms that were placed on the counter of the bar. "I miss my wife."

* * *

**Authors Note: **Like I said, I am REALLY sorry for the changes. Anywho, I hope you like this chapter! **R&R**


	5. Miyagi

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, OR CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE.**

**All rights go to Masashi Kishimoto, and Dan Fogelman.**

* * *

**Miyagi**

Kakashi dragged Gai by the collar over to a babbling brunette next to where they were sitting. He stopped in front of her causing her to stop talking to the girl across from her.

"I'm Kakashi. What's your name?"

"Eve Johnson," she said smiling brightly.

"Eve Johnson, I'm Kakashi Hatake, how are you doing?" Kakashi said giving her a high-five.

She returned it. "Uh, great!"

"Good."

"I'm Gai," Gai said putting his hand up also to give her a high-five.

"No. Not yet!" Kakashi whispered still keeping his cool. He turned back to her. "Sorry. Eve, can I buy you a drink?"

She shook her head up and down enthusiastically. "Uh-huh!"

Kakashi turned to Gai. "Would you keep her company for a minute?"

"Of course."

"Okay."

"I'd be happy to," Gai said with a smile directed at Eve.

"If he gets handsy, let me know," Kakashi said as he left for the bar to get their drinks.

"I wouldn't touch you, if my life depended on it!" Gai said loudly.

Eve arched an eyebrow. "What was your name again?"

"Gai Yuhi."

"Gai Yuhi..." Eve said looking up as if thinking.

"No relation to Yuhi III Gahindiro."

"Uuhh.."

"You know, Rwanda."

"Uuhh..."

"Yuhi III Gahindiro was a real or mythol-"

"You're not talking about Rwanda again, are you?" Kakashi said drinks in hand.

* * *

_Knock, knock._

"Do you have a second?"

Kurenai turned around. "Oh! Hi, Asuma. No, cause I'm...I'm swamped. Okay?"

"You've been avoiding me," Asuma said leaning up against the door frame in the office where Kurenai was printing Divorce for Dummies pages from the book itself.

"No! I haven't." Kurenai insisted.

"You ran in the other direction when you saw me coming down the hall yesterday. You're very fast by the way."

Kurenai turned back to the printer. "I ran track in high school."

"Ah, that must be it." He sighed. "I like you, Kurenai. Do you have any idea how much I like you?"

"Hey, Asuma you know, I really have a lot to do."

"I...I had no intention of falling for a married woman, but I'm somewhere having lunch and I'm...I'm this accountant who's waking up every morning excited to go to work. And that just does not happen for accountants, ever. I've checked with other accountants.

"Asuma, you know what? You've been a great friend, and you noticed last month when I got my hair trimmed and that was huge. But look trust me, you know, I am saving you from disaster, because you're asking to re-board the Titanic. Do you really want any part of this?"

* * *

Hinata phone buzzed in her pocket as she opened her locker to get her History book.

_'Hi, Hinata. FYI, Demi Moore is fifteen years older than Ashton Kutcher. They really seem happy. Love, Lee.'_

Hinata sighed and replied.

_'Lee, please stop. You are making me very uncomfortable.'_

Lee's teacher was discussing the Scarlet Letter when she notices Lee is texting.

"Mr. Yuhi?" Lee looked up from his phone. "Mr. Yuhi, are we interrupting?"

"You wanna talk about the Scarlet Letter, Miss Tafferty? Alright." Lee stood. "Well, the 'A' they're both wearing, I think it stands for 'Asshole'." Lee's classmates gasped. "Wanna know why? Because they fell in love and love is for stupid assholes. And this book is just about a bunch of assholes, who fell in love, like assholes, then had to die, like assholes...I'm sorry about all the assholes."

"Maybe you should get a swear jar for the house," the principal told Kurenai.

Kurenai stood. "T-thanks, uh we'll do that."

She took Lee to her work, and sat him down in her office. "So how's your dad?"

"He's sad. I can tell that he's sad, even though he looks better, I can still tell that he's not happy. You know?"

"Yeah. Well, you know, yeah. I guess I'm pretty sad too."

"I know. I heard you crying in your bedroom the other night. I didn't know what to do..."

"Oh, Lee! Baby, you're thirteen, you're not supposed to know what to do."

"I tried Googling it."

Kurenai laughed. "You did not?"

Lee smiled broadly. "Yep, I did."

"What did you Google?"

"I searched 'mom crying in bed.' "

Kurenai sat up straight. "Wha...what did Google say?"

Lee thought a moment. "Just uh...bunch of weird video's of mom's in bed..."

"Oh, God! Alright! That's enough! Uuch! Did those parental controls work at all?"

"They work for me."

"Because you're a disgusting teenager, that's why!" Kurenai tussled his hair.

"Knock, Knock," Asuma appeared in the doorway.

Lee turned and glared at him.

Kurenai looked up. "Hey, Asuma, I have to go take care of something real quick and then I'll be ready to go, okay?"

"No problemo."

Kurenai left the room.

Asuma decided to break the awkward silence. "So Lee, I hear you're quite the Karate master.

"So Asuma, I hear you broke up my parents marriage. You are Asuma Sarumoni, right?"

"...Sarutobi."

"Yeah. Here's the thing, Sarumoni-"

"Tobi."

Lee rolled his eyes. "Whatever. In the end, she winds up back with my dad. He's a better guy than you are. In every category. And she still loves him. He's not gonna give up on my mom, just like I'm not gonna stop sending Hinata text messages that make her feel uncomfortable."

* * *

Kakashi and Gai had just finished working out and now they were in the sauna.

"Look, lets face it, Gai. Alright. The war between the sexes is over. We won, okay? We won the second when women started doing pole dancing for exercise. But even though we won, they still deserve our respect. You know, make them feel beautiful, actually listen to their problems, open the door for them-"

"God! Would you put on some clothes, please!" Gai begged.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is this bothering you?" Kakashi asked pointing to his nether region. He wasn't wearing a towel, and his foot was propped up on the bench where Gai was sitting.

"No! It's not!" Gai said sarcastically.

"Gai, my schvantz has been in your face for twenty minutes. If it's not bothering you we got a bigger problem."

"Okay, it bothers me."

"I don't care. You gotta take control of your manhood, pal. You know? You want something, you take it. You don't like something, you say it. I take what I want. Asuma Sarutobi, he certainly took what he wanted, didn't he? And I can guarantee you this, he is opening the car door for your wife _right _now."

Gai started to sway from the heat of the sauna.

"What, are you passing out?"

Gai's eyelids slid closed and his face fell on Kakashi's bare crotch.

Kakashi sighed. "Oh, boy."

* * *

"I think you're ready, pal," Kakashi said patting Gai's back causing him to choke on his margarita.

"F-for what?"

"To talk to a pretty lady and take her home and show her your gift."

"Nope. No, I'm not."

"You're as ready as you're ever gonna be. You play your strengths, Gai. That's all any of us can do. I'm mysterious, I'm, you know, good in bed and you're...you are a...uh, you know, a stable employed adult."

"Wow thanks."

"Jesus! You see this...this lady over here at nine o'clock?"

Gai looked over his shoulder at the blonde woman sitting where Kakashi was referring to. "You want me to hit on her?"

"No, I wanna hit on her. The one behind her. She's a total fox, right?"

Gai started to drool. "Mmhmm."

"You think she came to a crowded bar to have a quiet drink alone? She's hunting. She's just looking for an opportunity to settle for a responsible and stable adult, and I'd like her to settle for you!"

"Oh, well, thank you for the ego boost. But you know what? Just because I've watched you pick up women doesn't mean that I know how to pick up women."

"You ever see Karate Kid?" Kakashi asked sipping his drink.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You know, when he's teaching him to wax on and off, but he's really teaching him to fight?"

"You want me to fight someone?"

Kakashi sighed. "What's the first thing I do when I go up to a girl? I buy her a drink."

Gai nodded. "Yes, always, without fail. You buy her a drink, even if she doesn't want one, you insist."

"And do I talk about myself?"

"Never. Never talk about yourself, always about her."

Kakashi continued. "Because bar banter..."

"...is boring," Gai finished.

"It's the worst."

"So you put the impetus on her. She has to be the interesting one. Impress me, impress me with how interesting you are. It's a big game. Game. Creepy, creepy little game you play."

Kakashi chuckled. "Oh, that's judgmental, isn't it?"

"Mmhmm."

"At the end of the night what do I do? Do I ask 'em to come home with me?"

"No, you _tell_ 'em to come home with you. They have no choice in the matter, it's your choice and they are so overjoyed to have had the opportunity to make sweet, sweet love to you."

It was then that Gai realized that Kakashi had taught him a lot about picking up women. More than he had noticed before.

"Oh, my God! You did Miyagi me!"

Kakashi smiled, and stood. "Take your ring off. Lets go."

* * *

**Authors Note: **XD This chapter cracks me up! What about you? **R&R**


	6. Soul Mate

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, OR CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE.**

**All rights go to Masashi Kishimoto, and Dan Fogelman.**

* * *

**Soul Mate**

Kakashi whispered to Gai as they walked over to the woman who Kakashi had pointed out to him. "Just no talking about your kids, your job, or Asuma Sarutobi. Don't you dare!"

"Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up!"

Kakashi and Gai introduced themselves to the woman and then Kakashi sat in a booth behind them to listen in on their conversation.

Gai spoke first. "So, can I buy you a drink, um Shizune was it?"

"Yes, and no thank you."

"I'm gonna buy you a drink anyway." Gai motioned for the waitress to come over and he turned back to Shizune. "Grey Goose, right? Rocks, two limes?"

"I'm five years sober..."

The waitress made her way to their table. "What can I get for you?"

Gai started to freak out. "Nothing! Nothing! Go away, we're good. Please, don't come back ever."

Shizune simply smiled. "So what do you do, Gai?"

Gai thought back on what Kakashi had taught him. _Never talk about yourself. Always her. _"I don't know. What do you do, Shizune?"

"I asked you first." She insisted.

Gai narrowed his eyes trying to be cool. "I asked you second."

Shizune laughed at his humor. "No seriously, what do you do?"

"Seriously, what do you do?" Gai retorted going too far.

The smile left her face, and Kakashi had a facepalm moment. "You're really not gonna tell me what you do?"

"Ah..no?"

"Uh...okay," Shizune said. "I'm a teacher-"

"Boring! Come on! You gotta keep it interesting. Interest me," Gai interrupted as he crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair.

Shizune shook herself. "Uh...I studied at Oxford University for five years-"

"Boring! Wow! Teacher with an alcoholic dependency who studied at Oxford. Blah, Blah, Bluuh! England. Yuck!

Shizune was thoroughly annoyed. "You know, I think my friends just got here." She stood.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Gai ran after her. "Okay, you know what? I'm in Corporate Insurance. I have children, plural. And my wife was cheating on me with Asuma Sarutobi, which I wasn't supposed to tell you about either. But I did...nice to meet you."

"What were you supposed to tell me?"

"I don't...I don't know! I was supposed to say that you are the perfect combination of sexy and cute. Which is actually something that I used to say to my wife, but now it's become corrupted. I have eighteen layers of clothes on."

Gai rambled on. "I'm wearing a shirt and a tie and a sweater and a suede jacket that just seals in all the heat. Seals in all the juices. I'm just...it's all sweat under here."

He motioned with his hands where he was talking about. "This is just sweat from here down. I'm...this sweater, this is called slim cut, but it feels like a scuba suit." He looked down at her chest and then quickly back up. "-And I'm looking at your breasts. What's that about?"

Shizune said nothing for a while. Then she grinned from ear to ear. "You think I'm the perfect combination of sexy and cute?"

"...That's what you picked up from what I just said?"

"Mhmm." She purred.

* * *

"So...this...is my crappy...apartment." Gai said in between kisses. "It's comfy. It's what I had to move into...after my wife left."

Shizune moaned into his mouth. "You're being so honest."

Gai chuckled nervously all the while unsure where to put his hands. "You like that?"

"It's so different!" Shizune ripped his jacket off his body. "It's so hot!"

"You wanna hear something else? Really?" Gai asked trying to keep up with her pace.

"Mmhmm."

Gai continued. "I've only had sex with one woman in my entire life."

"Honest or not honest?" She asked pointing a finger at him.

"That's honest," he said gasping for air.

Shizune screamed with delight and grabbed Gai. She crashed her lips into his. "Tell me more!"

"I-I'm a little worried you have aids."

She suddenly stops kissing him and tries to pull away.

"Just a little...just...just a bit. It's okay, I'm not worried."

She throws him on the couch and puts one leg up on the coffee table. "What do you wanna do with me?"

"Aah! I wanna show you off to my ex-wife, and make her really jealous."

She squealed and jumped on top of him straddling his hips.

* * *

"I have never experienced that before in my life," Gai said more confidently then he had ever said anything in his whole life.

"But great," Kakashi pointed out.

"Most women are like that these days?" Gai asked referring to his encounter last night.

"God bless technology." Kakashi held up his drink.

Gai clinked his with Kakashi's. "God bless it!"

"Dude, I went home with this girl the other night, she was like cackling me the whole time we were...I felt like I was, you know, doing it with the tour guides from the Muppet Show."

* * *

_"Hey, hot guy from the bar who hit on you is here," _Tenten said smiling against the phone.

Sakura sighed._ "Tenten, I'm studying."_

_"You should be studying the ceiling of his bedroom, is what you should studying. __Come on, take a break! It will be good for you to get out. And by get out, I mean have hot guy from the bar knock you into his headboard until you see God."_

_"What is wrong with you?"_

_"You should be studying the gentle curve of his coc-"_

Sakura's eyes widened._ "Okay! Goodbye, Ten."_

_"Is that too much? Hello?"_

* * *

"I just thought you'd wanna know what I heard about your pal, Gai," Hinata's mother said to Hiashi, Hinata's father.

"What about Mr. Yuhi, mom?" Hinata asked over hearing her parents conversation as she came down the stairs.

"Um...just apparently, Mr. Yuhi has become a real ladies man."

"What?" Hinata said in disbelief.

"Stop!" Hiashi exclaimed.

"She should know, she babysits for him. She's almost an adult." She turned to Hinata. "Lots of young women in and out of his apartment."

"She's too young for this. I don't like this S-E-X talk in front of the K-I-D-S."

"Sweetheart, first of all they can spell. Second of all, I'm just saying I think we were right in choosing Kurenai."

* * *

The bell rang after what seemed like the longest Math class of Hinata's life. She needed some advice. Womanly advice, about her...problem. She knew just the person to talk to, too.

She spotted her around the corner and made her way sneakily over to her.

"Are you following me?" Ino said looking down at her cell phone.

"Ino, uh...I just had a question for you."

"Okay, Hinata. What's up?" Ino was still texting.

"It's kind of on the personal side."

"Yep, my lips are ARH ARH ARH!"

Hinata looked mortified.

Ino sighed. "Seals. My lips are seals."

"...So my question, and I don't mean to be blunt or insulting, but lets just call it what it is. You're always sleeping with older guys, right?"

"Always," Ino said without blinking.

"Oh, um...so my question for you, Ino, is um...how do you do that? I mean like, how do you get them to see you as just not a kid in high school, you know, but like as someone who's mature and old?"

"First off, I have a huge rack."

Hinata looked at Ino's chest for a brief second. "Uh...yes, you do."

"You don't have a huge rack."

"N-no." Hinata tried not to let that insult her.

"Wait, how old is he?"

"Old..."

"Like really old?"

Hinata hesitated not sure what Ino would think after she told her. "Like parent old."

"Nasty, Hinata!" She said it in a congratulatory way.

"Exactly, that's what I was thinking, right?"

"Rock on!"

"T-thank you."

"You are so dirty!"

Hinata's confidence was growing by the second. "Yes, I know."

"You gotta force his hand. You know what I mean? Go teansy on his ass," Ino said with a wink.

"...Not following."

"A dirty picture."

"Oh! Oh!"

Ino put her phone away. "Make this face." Ino then began to moan loudly and rub her body.

"Jeez, Ino! Stop!" Hinata was trying to cover her so that no one would see.

"What? You put that on his radar and he won't see you as a little girl anymore, that's for sure."

* * *

As Hinata got her tray and slapped her food on it, she saw a huge crowd. She wandered over to it and waited as everyone else did.

"Behold! Hinata Hyuuga, you are my soul mate. The love of my life. I have marked myself with a scarlet H." Lee ripped his shirt open to reveal a large H written on his chest in what seemed like red paint. "-For you, Hinata!"

All the kids started laughing and Hinata was dying of embarrassment. She marched up to him and grabbed his arm. "Lee, get down from there!" She led him over to a tree; away from the laughing crowd. "This has to stop, Lee!

"You'll learn to love me, I promise!" Lee pleaded.

"No, I won't." Hinata insisted.

"Just cause I'm four years younger than you?"

"Because I love somebody else!"

"...Who is he?"

"He's older. And I didn't want my parents find out."

"You know I'll kill him if he hurts you," Lee said in all seriousness.

Hinata rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know. Okay, Lee, this has to stop. Okay? No more. Grow up. I'll see you around."

* * *

"What's with all the moping?" Gai asked Lee as they played catch.

"Uh...nothing. It's just...there's a girl."

"A girl, huh? You like her?"

"I like Pringles. I mean, this girl, she is incredible. She's my soul mate, you know? She doesn't even care though."

"But she's your soul mate, right?"

"Yeah."

"So, you just don't give up on her, right?"

"Why not? You did." Lee threw the ball harder.

"I didn't give up. Okay? It's more complicated than that. I'm...I'm a different guy now."

"You're not a different guy, you just have different clothes."

Gai chuckled. "It's not that simple, kiddo."

"What kind of crap is that?"

Gai gave his son the eye. "Watch it!"

"Either you love her or you don't, and I know you do. I'm serious, dad. You just need some inspiration now. Right? Go get her back."

"Wow! How old are you?"

* * *

Kurenai arrived at Lee's parent teacher conference. Gai met her there and this is the first time she has seen him since his new-found confidence. Without a word they both sat down on either side of Lee's teachers door.

Kurenai fiddled with her sweater. "You look great, Gai."

"Oh. Well, it turns out I've bought the wrong sized suit for like twenty years."

"Oh, well. Whatever, you um...you look great."

"Thanks. You always look great," Gai said whole-heartedly.

"Oh, thanks."

Gai changed the subject. "What teacher is this?"

"Miss Tafferty. She's the one he pulled the 'Scarlet Letter asshole' routine on."

"Mmhmm. God, such a weird kid."

"I kinda like him though."

"Hmm. Yeah, me too. I'm glad we switched babies at the hospital." Gai joked.

"Me too. That other one's in jail probably."

"...I miss you, Kurenai. I made an effort when we were younger, didn't I? I mean, miniature golf and dancing. You were such a great dancer."

"I had to be, you were such a good miniature golfer." Kurenai smiled for the first time since she had told him that she wanted a divorce.

"I just, I don't know, I guess I got lazy. I got...I got boring, is what I got."

"No. No."

"And I'm so mad at you." He continued. "I'm really mad at you for what you did. But I'm mad at myself too, because I should not have jumped out of the car, I should have fought for you. Cause you fight for your soul mates. At least that's what my thirteen year old son tells me."

"He's a really strange kid."

"He scares the shit out of me." Gai admitted.

"I miss you too."

Just then the door opens and Miss Tafferty peeks her around it. "Mr. and Mrs." She looks up. _"Yuhi."_

Gai's eyes widened and he hastily moved inside the classroom.

Miss Tafferty slammed the door and walked over to the chalkboard. "As you know, Lee's shinning moment was when he set a school record for cursing in eighth grade English class," she said laughing as she wrote 'asshole' on the board. "Asshole! You're familiar with this word, Mrs. Yuhi?

"...Yes, I am. And I've spoken to the principal about-"

"Asshole, as in someone who tells a woman that he'll call and never does!" Miss Tafferty, I mean, Shizune, said through gritted teeth.

Gai rocked back and forth slightly. "Mmm."

Shizune carried on. "Asshole, as in someone who uses honesty to get a woman into bed with him, but he's actually full of shit, like the rest of them!"

"This isn't about Lee, is it?" Kurenai whispered to Gai.

"Asshole, as in someone who allows a woman to go downtown for forty-five minutes, because he's nervous!"

Kurenai threw her hands in the air. "Ew! Ew!"

"Alright! Alright! Alright! You know what? You know what? No. Here's the deal." Gai leaned over to Kurenai. "She's an alcoholic."

Shizune screams loudly and Gai grabs Kurenai and pushes her out of the door. They walk out to the school parking lot.

"I did. I slept with our son's eight grade English teacher."

Kurenai sighed. "I know. I know. And I...I cheated! So I have no right to be angry."

"That's not the point. When we were first married, you were the only woman that I had ever slept with." Gai couldn't stop himself. "-And now I have had sex with nine different women." He slapped his hand over his mouth. "God!"

"Nine!" She yelled.

"That..."

"Nine! Wow! You showed me!"

"I wasn't trying to show you. I was trying to move on. But I don't want to. You've always been the only one."

Shizune appears about 10 feet away from them; arms crossed. "Tell her she's the perfect combination of sexy and cute, asshole!"

"You said that to her?" He could tell that Kurenai was hurt. Beyond hurt.

"I did, yes."

Kurenai opened the driver's side door of the car. "Who are you?"

"...I'm your soulmate."

* * *

"Now Sakura, I uh...I did tell you that tonight would be a special night, if you pass the bar. So Sakura, I would like to formally ask you, in front of all our friends and colleagues," Sakura stared longingly into Genma's eyes. She couldn't wait to hear those four words. "-if you would like to become a permanent lawyer at the firm of Watkin, Goldberg and Schmidt? How about that?"

Everyone starts clapping and Sakura just stares at him. Disappointment written all over her face. Tenten rubbed her arm sympathetically.

"What?" Genma asked.

"I jus...um..."

"Well, what is it?"

"I thought that you were gonna propose, for some reason."

"What?!"

"Yeah, I know. I'm just...it...it's just I'm a little thrown."

Genma shook his head. "I'm sorry. I...I didn't realize that you thought, that we were there."

"Oh, no! God, no! Don't be silly. I just...I'm um..."

"I need some time, I think, to figure out how I feel about us. You know? Long term." Genma explained.

"You need some time? You need some time to figure out how you feel about us? Wow! You know what? Thank you, Genma. Honestly, thank you very much for your job offer. I will consider it." She grabbed her purse and heads for the door. Tenten was smiling from ear to ear, and she high-fived her while she exited.

Sakura stormed out into the rain from her celebration party in nothing but a dress. No umbrella. She heads straight to the bar.

Once inside she spots him talking to a brunette. Stomping along the way, she pulls on his shoulder causing him to spin around. As soon as he recognizes her she grabbed the front of his coat and pulled him into a deep passionate kiss. He had no idea why this was happening but he liked it.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up off the ground and deepened the kiss. He finally set her down.

Her eyes fluttered open. "Kakashi Hatake, do you remember me?"

He smiled. "Yeah."

"Still find me attractive?"

"Yes."

"Still wanna take me home?"

"Yeah."

She kisses him again, but rougher this time. "Let's go."

* * *

**Authors Note: **This chapter took me _foreeeever!_ I hope you like it :) Sorry if there are any mistakes, I will check it tomorrow. ^^** R & R**


	7. Big Move

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, OR CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE.**

**All rights go to Masashi Kishimoto, and Dan Fogelman.**

* * *

**Big Move**

"So, is this how it normally works?" Sakura asked as she stood in the middle of Kakashi's house, her dress still damp from the rain.

"What?" He asked walking down the steps from the kitchen into the living room as he handed her a glass with some concoction in it.

"You know, you like put on the perfect song and you make them a drink. And then you sleep together," she explained taking the drink from his hand.

"Um...yeah."

Sakura gulped the drink down. "I'm very nervous."

He simply smiled. "I'm getting that."

"Okay. Cause I know I seemed confident back at the bar, but that was um...that was mostly just because I was cold and wet and trying to be dramatic, a bit," a nervous Sakura said looking all around the house frantically.

"You're adorable," Kakashi stated, chuckling.

Sakura's eyes darted to meet Kakashi's. "No! I'm sexy! I'm R rated sexy, okay? I know what happens in the PG thirteen version of tonight. Alright, I know. It's that I get...I get really drunk and I pass out and you cover me with a blanket and you kiss me on the cheek and nothing happens. But that's not why I'm here. I am here to bang the hot guy that hit on me at the bar."

She swallowed again at the thought. She really hadn't done anything that involved "banging."

"Kakashi..." Kakashi said correcting her.

"Kakashi," she repeated apologetically.

"Are people still saying bang?"

"Oh, I do. We're gonna bang! This is happening," she assured him. "Take off your shirt."

Kakashi seemed taken aback slightly by her sudden boldness once again. "Why?"

"Please, can you take off your shirt? Cause I can't stop thinking. I need you to just..."

"Okay! Okay!" Kakashi grabs the bottom of his shirt and pulls it over her head somewhat hesitantly. Once it's off his body he tosses it on the couch and stands there awkwardly.

Sakura stands there staring at his chest and stomach in disbelief. "Fuck! Seriously? It's like you're photo shopped! Can I..." She walks quickly to where he is standing and pokes around his abs with her fingers.

Kakashi's breath hitched. "You have cold hands. And I need you take off your dress."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No way! Not with all that goin' on." She gestured toward his shirtless body. "No, thank you! Is there a dim lighting somewhere? Oh, God! Okay, so then what do we do? What happens now, like logistically? What's your move?

"What do you mean, what's my move?"

"What's your move? What's your big move?"

Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets. "I got lots of moves."

"What's your _big_ move?"

"I'm not telling you my big move."

"Tell me your move!"

He smirked. "You're not ready for the big move."

"Yes, I am! I want your big move!"

"You can't handle the big move, trust me."

"Tell me your big move!"

Kakashi sighed. Obviously this was going nowhere, but he had to admit that he was enjoying the playful banter between them. "I work Dirty Dancing into the conversation."

"Dirty Dancing?"

"Can I sit down, please?"

"Yeah."

"Can I put my shirt back on?"

"No," she said straight-faced. "Why Dirty Dancing? What do we do? Do we watch it?"

"You know the big move at the end of Dirty Dancing, where Patrick Swayze picks up Jennifer Grey?"

"Yeah."

"Well...I can do that."

"So?" Sakura didn't know what was so special about that.

"_So_, I tell girls I can do the move. I put on the song, Time of your Life, I do the big move and they always wanna have sex with me," he explained shrugging his shoulders like it was any old causal conversation.

Sakura literally laughed out loud. "Oh, my God! That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"I agree." Kakashi said. "But it works every time."

"That would not work on me."

Before Sakura knew it, Time of your Life was playing, and she was about to jump into this mans arms and reenact the ending to Dirty Dancing.

"Oh, God! This is ridiculous! I don't wanna do it."

"Come on," Kakashi smiled coaxing her to run toward him.

"This is beyond ridiculous."

"Come on and jump."

"No," Sakura squealed.

"Yeah."

"Thank God I'm drunk. Here we go!"

Sakura ran and jumped into Kakashi's arms. He lifted her up and spun her around slowly and then let her down gently.

Sakura whispered, "So, do you prefer to do it here or in the bedroom?"

Kakashi smiled. "The bedroom is preferred."

"Mmhmm. Yeah, okay. Let's go there."

Kakashi pulls Sakura along to the bedroom and lays her down on top of it. He slowly climbs on top of her, all the while kissing her. Once Sakura is all the way on the bed, head on pillow, he puts his knee in between her legs.

Sakura broke the kiss. "This pillow forms perfectly to the shape of my head."

"Yeah," Kakashi said as he continued to kiss her, but she pulled back again.

"Is this one of those foam pillows from Brookstone?"

"Yeah," Kakashi said with a frustrated sigh.

"Really? I always wondered who actually buys them! The hot guy from the bar buys them! Of course!

"Kakashi," he corrected again.

"Mmhmm. Kakashi. Sorry for that."

"Yeah," was all he could say as he waited for any other unnecessary comments.

"I'm sorry, continue."

So Kakashi did continue, but once again Sakura pulled back. "You don't have one of those ridiculous um...those massage chairs, do you?"

Kakashi hesitated.

"You do?" Sakura asked laughing.

"No," he said trying to hold back a smile.

"Yes, you do!" She accused.

"Yeah, I do," he admitted.

"Oh, my God!" Sakura almost fell off the bed she was laughing so hard.

"I don't! I don't! I do! Who'd have that? I would! I have that.," Kakashi started laughing also, teasing himself a bit.

"How much was it?"

"Five thousand dollars."

That made Sakura laugh even harder.

Kakashi laid beside her on his side and propped his head on his hand, held up by his elbow. "Ask me how many times I've used it?"

Sakura smiled. "How many times have you used it?"

"Twice."

They both roared with laughter.

"That's twenty-five hundred dollars a massage!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Twice!"

"Where is it?"

"It's in the garage."

"Can I sit in it?"

* * *

_Buzzzz...buzzzzz_

"I hate it!" Sakura said as she sat in the massage chair.

"...Yeah."

* * *

"The Home Shopping Network, I mean I'm addi...I buy...I buy...I'm just the worst!" Kakashi said as they were laying in the bed again.

"Do you have a Slap Jack?" Sakura asked.

"Yes!"

"Do you have the knife that cuts through the penny?"

"Yes!"

Sakura almost couldn't contain herself. "What else do you have?"

"Coin Bears."

"Coin Bears?"

"Yeah. I have a whole set of Coin Bears from each date."

"You have fifty Coin Bears?"

"Yeah, they all have a rare coin in their foot," Kakashi exclaimed.

"You stay up nights?"

"I am wildly unhappy."

They both laughed again. After they talked and laughed for hours lying in bed, Kakashi asked, "Could you do me a favor?"

"What?" Sakura asked sweetly.

"Will you do me a kindness?"

"Mmm."

Kakashi sighed. "Will you ask me something personal about myself?"

"Mmm. Okay, fine. I'll do it. And then we bang?"

Kakashi chuckled loudly. "Yes."

"What's your mother like?"

Kakashi smiled looking up at the ceiling. "My mom, is very beautiful. Um...very vain, very smart, cold."

"And your dad?"

Kakashi hesitated. "Um...he died a long time ago. He was such a sweet guy, he was probably too sweet. Very successful in business. He left me a lot of money, which is why I have all this stuff. But he was soft. Just too soft, too...too sensitive and uh...you know he couldn't really handle my mother."

Sakura watched as Kakashi drifted off to sleep, his eyelids fluttering from time to time. Once he was snoring softly, she pulled the blanket up to his chest and kissed his forehead.

* * *

_'Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system-'_

"Hey, Kakashi, it's Gai. Where are ya? Remember that first woman I picked up? That teacher? Well, I have a story to tell you. Call me."

* * *

_'-has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system-'_

"Hey, it's been a week I haven't heard from you. Should I be concerned? I am imagining you suffocating under a pile of women."

* * *

_'-voice message system-'_

Hey, it's me again. I've left like a hundred messages. Listen, if this is a Miyagi thing, I'm not getting it! So, call me back, please. Thanks.


End file.
